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I’m Becca. I’m 26 and I identify as a pansexual cisfemme human. My relationship style? Not so sure. Monoromantic, polysexual seems to be the one that I default to the most. I often find myself embarrassed to admit to my community that I like a bit of the traditional relationship mishegas.
Sexuality has always been something that I have been fascinated with from a very young age. I was fortunate to grow up in a family that didn’t hide much for me when educating me about the ins and outs of human sexuality - it was normalized. I discovered sexuality with myself at quite a young age and, when I was at the point where I wanted to share that with others, I never shied away from acting upon my desires. I was relatively comfortable in my body. My sexuality was (and still is) a huge part of my identity.
Things took a bit of a turn for me when I was 22, in my second-to-last semester of college, and I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I spent two years of my life undergoing intensive chemotherapy. When treatment began, my body changed a lot. Many people assume that everyone loses weight while on chemo...unfortunately a big part of my treatment were courses of steroids, which have a side effect of causing significant weight gain (in addition to other, less-than-pleasant side effects). I was bald, bloated (it’s all water weight), and I had such bad stretch marks that my skin was splitting. Chemo left me with the inability to connect with my own sexuality - something that I always found to be a comfort in my times of stress. For two years, this was my norm. After stopping steroids, I very quickly lost much of the water weight - but my body was not the same as it was before. I had dark stretch marks all over my body, arms, under my breasts. I felt embarrassed to show my body to anyone.
When I finished treatment, I was fortunate enough to stumble into a warm, welcoming, sex-positive, body-positive community. It was there that I was able to reconnect with my sexuality. My sex drive came back and it wasn’t long before I started exploring with other people again. For quite some time I would warn everyone, before I took my clothes off, that I had significant scarring. However, after some time, I realized that not once were people bothered by my scars. Slowly they have started to feel like a unique part of me. I have finally reached a point where I am much more comfortable in my body and that’s a huge part due to the sex-positive, body-positive community that surrounds me.
My body is different but pretty damn sexy - I’m curvier, I have badass scars, and most importantly, I’m healthy.